150 Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do At Hogwarts
by katalyst159
Summary: Each chapter represents another thing that one is NOT allowed to do at Hogwarts.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Do not own Harry Potter but DO WANT.

**A/N:** So these chapters are going to be outrageously short. Considering I have 150 of them to do, I'd say that's pretty reasonable. If you want a link to all 150 of them, blast me a PM or review or whatever and I'll send you a link.

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**I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their house colors indicate that they are "covered in bees". **

Albus Dumbledore looked out over the students with a benign smile. Yes, exchange program was going to be a huge success, he knew. The students were so far getting along swimmingly, despite not actually being sorted into the houses they would be living in.

A slight commotion at the Hufflepuff table drew his attention. He cast a simple spell so he could hear what was going on. _Ah, just one of the exchange students…_

"But really, the resemblance is there!" the new student was saying.

"Absolutely not," Prefect Cedric Diggory countered.

"You have to see it!"

"There is, in no way, shape or form, any likeness between our house colors and bees."

The exchange student picked up her spoon. "Yes" _poke_ "there" _poke_ "is!" _POKE!_

Oh, the joys of intermingling two completely different schools of magic.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** The exchange students are either girls or boys. It doesn't matter. I was going to make FES be a girl all the time, simply because I'm one, but then I realized that some of the 150 require a boy… So yeah. Also, commentary about snakes is directly from a video of Steve Irwin on YouTube.

**No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.**

Hagrid led the Gryffindors and accompanying exchange students to the pen of Runespoors that were likely gained by illegal means.

"CROIKEY!" one of the exchange students exclaimed. "It's a Runespoor!"

Hagrid, beaming with pride that someone apparently enjoyed the reptiles as much as he did, was just about to give house points to the student for identifying it when the student ran forward into the pen to pick it up. The rest of the class gasped in shock.

"Now snakes," the student began in a heavy Australian accent, "don't just run out in the bush and strike out and bite you on the legs or face or just about anything they can get their teeth into just because you're there!" The Runespoor was winding around the student's arm, the left head hissing irritably.

Harry Potter alone could hear what it said. "What the hell? Who in their right mind would ever pick me up? This little human is crazy!"

Unaware of the snake's ramblings, the student continued. "It strikes as a defense mechanism. The only way they can defend themselves against predators is to bite."

The serpent hissed even more aggressively. "Shows what you know, you little punk. I'll show _you_ defense mechanism!"

"This one gets himself into—" But whatever the student was about to say, no one would ever know, as the Runespoor struck, biting the student in the neck.

Everyone stared, speechless for a moment until Hagrid broke the silence. "Righ' then… So, 'oo wants ta take the student up ta tha hospital?"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** By the way, I'm doing this for my own entertainment and to see if I can…. Just thought I'd let anyone reading know that. Because these little snippets really aren't an accurate representation of my writing abilities and are done in about ten minutes, at most…

**Disclaimer:** I OWN NOTHING! Harry Potter, 150 things not to do at Hogwarts, and the idea of Cherrijuana? Yeah… None of them are mine.

**Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology".**

Albus Dumbledore was sitting in his office, answering an owl from someone important when Professor Sprout and one of the exchange students entered.

"Ah, Pamona, what can I do for you?" Albus asked.

The Herbology teacher looked flustered. "This student was growing… growing… Do you know what this student was growing?"

The headmaster shook his head. "No, I have no idea."

"Well… It was—er—that is… um…" The professor seemed to have a very difficult time trying to say what she meant to say and eventually pushed the student forward. "Tell the headmaster what you were growing under the excuse of 'extra credit'."

"Well sir," the student began, "while doing an extra credit assignment Professor Sprout said we could do, I created a new hybrid plant! They take the shape of a cherry, but have the psychoactive and psychological effect of cannabis. I think this breed is one of a kind, and there could be a real market for them!"

"Ah," the old wizard sighed happily. "I love to see such philanthropy coming from a desire to learn! All is well. You may go!"

The student turned around, blowing a raspberry at the Herbology professor before exiting the office. Once the door was shut, Sprout turned on the headmaster.

"Professor, do you even know what cannabis is?"

"Not a clue!"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Soooo fourth one. I had difficulty coming up with original Oliver Wood Jokes, so I didn't! Here's to clichés! Also, please ignore the mistakes in canon timelines that will occur throughout the fic as well as any OOCness that is purely for the sake of setting up the joke. That is all!

p.s. I don't like this one…

"**I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.**

Some of the exchange students were walking down the corridor on their way outside. Apparently there was a Quidditch game later in the day and the entire castle was atwitter. The match was Gryffindor versus Slytherin and it would be the match of the year! The girls all couldn't wait to see hot guys riding around on brooms and the boys couldn't wait to see some face-smashing action by the bludgers. As they left the castle, they ran into Gryffindor beaters, Fred and George Weasley, talking.

"You know what Fred?"

"What George?"

"I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name that anyone can come up with."

"By golly, I have too!"

The foreign students all looked at each other, thinking the same thing. But, rather than ruin the fun, they just continued walking to the pitch, hoping for an opportunity. It soon camp in the form of one Gryffindor Quidditch Captain!

"Hey Wood!" student one shouted. "Nice to see you up so bright and early!"

"Good luck today!" student two cried. "I hope your WOOD is all polished today!"

"Hey Oliver!" student three yelled. "Can I ride on _your_ wooden broomstick later?"


End file.
